[moldbreakers]

I have seen a lot of relationship-advice blog posts recently. In fact, I was tempted to call this one “5 Ways to Tell if He’s The One” or “How to Know When You’re Wasting your Time” and go back to a time where I shelled that type of advice out to anyone who would listen. But, my favorite movie of all-time is Hitch (some say I look like Will Smith), which I’ve seen around 100 times, and at some point after watching it over and over I decided that relationships were all about logic and patterns. I was sure I could figure them out.

Once upon a time, I even wanted to write a relationship book. Like Alex Hitchens, I was full of fantastic, practical advice:

I could have told you that if a guy doesn’t ask you on a real date, ladies, he’s probably not serious about you.

I could have told you that if she doesn’t want to tell her friends about you or post that Instagram pic of you two, fellas, you’re probably not going to make the cut.

I could have told you the lines to use, my dudes, and the best spots to take your girl on a date.

I could have told you how to know if he was going to commit, or if he was really just a player.

I could have told you how to spot the warning signs. How-to ask the right questions. How-to read your opposite number like a book.

But guess what? It would have helped no one. Good advice does you no good.

And it does ME no good.

I have this “knowledge” and I still:

1) Found my identity in my relationships and then was crushed when it didn’t last (Can I get an Amen?).

2) Did relationships the way I wanted – without boundaries, lacking intentionality and breeding selfishness (Good intentions don’t count for anything, btw).

3) Dated based on my own desires, not based on what God said was best for me (Lust will annihilate your decision-making skills, flee from it).

God isn’t glorified by my knowledge when it leads to my plans. And since he holds all things in his hands – including my relationships – he will let my unhealthy relationships fail for my own good. My experience and wisdom alone is not effective as the center of my relationships – friendships or otherwise. Also on the list on non-effective relationship foundations: strong feelings, chivalrous manners, fancy dates, a great job or a large savings account (not that I have those things, just saying).

God isn’t glorified by MY knowledge when it leads to MY plans.

When I rely on my own wisdom, as clever and seemingly true as it may be, I will fail. When I prioritize what I can see more than what God can see, my plans can never last.

What is the key, if it’s not good advice? Here’s the key: pointing people to the Word of God.

The Bible tells us a few things that do us great good.

1) God loves us and made us in his image. We are worth so much to him that he sent his son to die for us. Know your worth, and wait for someone who knows it too. But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8) If they aren’t willing to die for you when you’re at your worst, move on.

2) God knows our desires and He also desires to take care of us. And he has a plan. Following Jesus means trusting his plan. How? Seek God. Everything else will come. “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11) God will make his plan known to you in his timing. Believe that.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6) The funny thing is that when we seek God with all that we have and keep our eyes solely on him, we often stumble into the blessings he has for us.

3) Be equally yoked. If you significant other has a different leader of their life, you will always be headed in opposite directions. It can never work. This includes dating as well. “Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 2:14) If you are serious about the future of your life, and realize that this life isn’t a game and really matters, you’ll place your stock in this verse. Don’t let anyone get in the way of your relationship with God. It’s not worth it.

God is glorified when we know that only trusting him leads down a path worth traveling.  Proverbs 3:7says “Don’t be impressed with your own wisdom. Instead, fear the LORD and turn away from evil.” Don’t get suckered by people who seem to know a lot. That’s not important; the Fear of God is. To fear God means to respectfully love and follow him over yourself. To get our relationships in order, good advice from a date doctor will do you no good. All you need is to passionately chase after Christ. The rest will come.